Complete Idiot's Guide To Get Killed By Akatsuki
by MegaRedCloud
Summary: Hello! This is 'The Complete Idiot's Guide To Getting Killed By The Akatsuki! If you are reading this, then you must want to die. Or your just bored! Please enjoy!
1. Table of Contents

**Hello! This is 'The Complete Idiot's Guide To Getting Killed By The Akatsuki'! **

You have tried to drown Kisame.

You have yelled at Kakuzu.

You've had a staring contest with Itachi.

You dye Hidan's hair pink.

You stole Kakuzu's money.

You called Deidara a girl.

You burned all of Sasori's puppets because there wasn't any firewood.

You told everyone Tobi's secret identity. (He WILL find you.)

You have sprayed weed killer all over Zetsu.

10. When Pein was talking to you, you put a magnet by his head.

11. You told Hidan that Jashin isn't real.

12. You ask Konan how old she is. (Never ask a girl how old she is.)

13. You interrupt an important Akatsuki meeting.

14. You try to kill Pein. (He doesn't call himself God for no reason.)

15. You try to be a damsel in distress. (Trust me, if you aren't useful they WILL kill you!)

16. You send the Akatsuki death threats.

17. You are always happy. (If they aren't happy, then you can't be either.)

18. You ask why Itachi killed his clan but didn't kill Sasuke. (Ask at least 25 times.)

19. You give Itachi glasses as a present.

20. You ask Zetsu what his parents were. (Bad memories!)

21. You mock Deidara by adding 'Yeah' and 'Un' at the end of sentences. (He is probably very sensitive about that.)

22. You cut off Deidara's hair.

23. You call Sasori's puppets dolls.

24. You wave money in Kakuzu's face.

25. You tell Hidan that you think his religion is stupid. (He WILL kill you!)

26. You tell Tobi he will never be a good boy.


	2. Rule 1

**Rule #1: You try to drown Kisame**

Alyx was walking around the forest when she saw a figure by a river. She walked closer and found that it was the S-Rank criminal Kisame! She thought of a plan to kill him. So, she sneakily walked up behind him and shoved him in the river. She made sure she held his head deep in the river. A couple of minutes later, Alyx let go of him. But as soon as she let go, he jumped up and shredded her with his sword. Alyx was never heard from again…

Why this didn't work:

Kisame doesn't look like a shark for no reason. He may have a human nose, but that doesn't mean he lacks gills!


	3. Rule 2

**Rule 2: Don't yell at Kakuzu**

Alyx is a normal girl from Konoha. One day, when she was taking a walk in the nearby woods, her leg caught on something that looked like a piece of string.

"What the..! What is this?" she asked, completely stuck in the trap.

"Its string… that you cant break, so don't even try." Said an unknown voice.

"What do you want?" she said confidently.

"Information on the hidden village. Then, I will let you go." He said.

"What! No way, dude! I don't give a crap who you are, but you are not gonna any information out of me, you stupid idiot!"

The next thing she knew she died when string went through her heart.

"Don't yell at me. Time is money, and you are wasting MY time."

And with that he walked away into the woods, looking for another helpless villager. One that won't backtalk him.


	4. Rule 3

**You have a staring contest with Itachi**

Alyx stands there with her hair blowing in the wind. She was waiting for the right moment to strike. She was waiting for the right moment to kill the eldest Uchiha. That's right; she is having a stare down with Itachi Uchiha. Sure, she may be only a chunin, but if she tried she could take him down, right? Itachi just stares at her eyes. He wonders who she is. He cocks his head to the side, and stares at her with the tiniest tint of curiosity.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"It really isn't any of your business, now is it?" she replies.

This girl was definitely something else. Itachi took a couple steps forward, his eyes never leaving hers. He whispers two unforgettable words:

"Mangekyo Sharingan…" he whispers.

Alyx dies from the pain.

"What a fool, looking into my eyes."


	5. Rule 4

**Rule 4: Dye Hidan's hair pink**

Alyx is a subordinate in the Akatsuki. She thought that it would be fun to play a prank on Hidan. She snuck into his very bloody bathroom and she switched his shampoo for pink hair dye. She stealthily ran out of the room before anyone could see her committing the crime. Later that night, Hidan's screams were heard throughout the whole entire base. Everyone walked out of their rooms to see what all of the racket was about. As soon as Alyx saw Hidan's hair, she busted out laughing. Sadly though, no one was laughing with her. Right before anyone knew what was happening, Alyx's head was cut off, and she died.

"So that's why you came running out of my room! I hope Lord Jashin tortures you!" Hidan yelled.


End file.
